You’re My Brother, You’re My Sister
Philippians 2:1-8; 1 Timothy 5:1-2
Our current sermon series is on relationships. The concept of relationships is at the very core of what we as Christians believe. In fact, our understanding of who God is is based on relationship. The Bible tells us that God is an eternal community of three persons – God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, that are in so close a relationship that they have perfect Oneness. They are three in one. So in thinking about our relationships, we have looked at the Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Spirit – to see how their relationship can be a pattern for us to follow. We looked at four characteristics of the relationship in the Trinity:
Glad submission (S) – the Three Persons submit to each other – the Son obeyed the Father in going to earth; the Spirit came to the earth at the request of the Father and the Son; the Father gave all authority to the Son;
Joyful intimacy (I) – the Three Persons are intimately joined in community and have perfect Oneness
Mutual deference (D) – Each of the three seeks to honor the other
Fully equal (E) – The Three Persons while distinct have equal status
Last week, we looked at how we as believers in the church, the body of Christ on this earth, should relate to each other. This week, I want us to consider a special segment of those relationships - those between men and women – especially outside of the husband and wife relationship which Pastor Kathleen will cover next week.
You may wonder why we should take time to consider the relationships between men and women. Some of you may be thinking that there is no problem or that the Bible has nothing to say about it, or that the Bible is out of date and doesn’t apply to today’s world. Others may be thinking that the topic is so large, where can you possibly go in a half-hour sermon.
The relationship between men and women is complex. As you probably know, there are many seminars and workshops on marriage and sex – and more are probably needed. It reminds me of the story about a woman who was working in her garden…..
The Bible indicates that the relationship between men and women is important, even fundamental about understanding the meaning of everything. The attraction between men and women, and yet the failure of that relationship to ever bring complete satisfaction may help point us home.
Our society today might be described as fragmented – in other words, people have a variety of different views and beliefs and in general, people do not know the purpose of life, nor what is really true, nor what is right and wrong. This was true in many societies described in the Bible as well, both in the Old and New Testaments. In such societies that have lost their understanding of God, the pursuit of sexual satisfaction becomes disproportionately important. In this country, it doesn’t take long to see the attention given to sexual pleasures. A walk around the campus or the city or watching TV will quickly show the high level of emphasis placed on sexual gratification. And, there seems to be little said about moral limits on sexual activity. It appears that almost any sexual activity between consenting adults is OK.
But is this right? Is this what God intended? Are there consequences to this attitude toward sex? In looking at the relationships between men and women, I believe that the Bible describes the Problem, gives us the Solution, and then points us to the Ultimate Solution to our hearts deepest longing.
The Problem
The Problems in relationships between men and women are numerous, intense, and historical. Consider a few statistics – a survey of Christian singles in the 1990s showed that about two-thirds have had sexual intercourse. Surveys have shown that youths who have taken the pledge to abstain from sex until marriage, for the most part, simply delay it by a year or two. Pastors report that most couples, who come for premarital counseling, are already sexually active.
Or, what
about the
abuse of women and children? Human trafficking and child prostitution
is a
large problem around the world. It is estimated that there are 2
million
prostituted children in Asia, Africa, and
Or, the discrimination against women - sin has led to men discriminating against women. While considerable progress has been made in some parts of the world and in some sectors of society, women are still often regarded as inferior to men, are paid less for similar work, do not have equal voice in decisions, and are marginalized in places of power.
The Bible describes the problem as well. Immediately after Adam and Eve sinned, God tells Eve that she would desire to control her husband, but that Adam would rule over her – a prediction of the tension that would be common in marriage. And throughout the Bible, there are stories of wrongful sexual desires and actions that caused many problems and difficulties in lives. In his letters, Paul frequently warns the readers to avoid sexual sins. The Bible does not try to hide this problem.
The Solution
If those are the problems, what are the solutions? How would God have us redeem the relationships between men and women to reflect how He had intended them to be? If we are to live as converted people – people whom God has redeemed and placed His Spirit within, how do we relate to each other? While this is a very large topic, I believe that looking at the perfect relationship found in the Trinity provides principles for us to follow. The relationship in the Trinity reveals glad submission, joyful intimacy, mutual deference, and full equality. Let’s look at each to see how it would apply to relationships between men and women. For reasons that will be evident, I will not take them in order.
Equality – We need to regard each other, men and women, as equals. Without denying the differences between men and women, we need to believe and practice that men and women are equal. Paul tells us in Galatians 3:28 that:
“There
is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor
free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Deference – We need to out do one another in giving honor to one another. I will look for ways to help others succeed, whether they are male or female. In Philippians 2, we read that we should:
…in
humility
consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not
only to
your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Submission – We need to submit to one another, whether male or female. In Philippians 2 we read Paul advocating that we give ourselves to each other. In Ephesians 5:21 we read that Paul commands them to submit to one another.
Submit
to one another out of reverence for
Christ.
Intimacy – I placed this one last because of the balance and limits that are needed for relationships between males and females who are not married. Paul’s words for the Philippians imply close friendships between believers. In Philippians 2:2 Paul says:
….make
my joy complete by being like-minded,
having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose
Paul encourages close relationships within the church. The challenge is to have relationships between men and women that are completely pure.
But is it possible for men and women to have relationships like Paul encourages and be completely pure? I believe the Bible teaches that the answer is a “definite yes.” Jesus had close relationships with Mary and Martha, Mary Magdalene, and others that were completely pure. Any fictional account that you read in recent novels saying otherwise is completely false. Jesus never sinned – therefore these relationships were without sin.
But how do we, as people who do sin, have relationships with those of the opposite sex and be completely pure? As single people or as married people, how do we keep our thoughts, desires, AND actions pure? The Bible is clear that the only acceptable sex is that between a married husband and wife. And Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:3
But
among you there must not be even a hint
of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because
these
are improper for God’s holy people.
However, it doesn’t appear that just telling people not to have sex outside of the boundary of marriage is working. According to surveys, somehow two-thirds of us have disobeyed that command. Does the Bible provide more help in conquering this temptation? I think there is helpful advice in the Bible that we may not have adequately stressed.
There are two important principles in the Bible concerning the relationship between men and women. The first is based on the relationship that we have as members of the family of God. In 1 Timothy 5:1-2 we read what Paul wrote to Timothy, apparently a young single man:
Do
not rebuke
an older man harshly, but exhort (entreat, encourage) him as if he were
your
father. Treat (exhort, entreat, or encourage) younger men as brothers,
older
women as mothers, and younger women as
sisters, with absolute purity.
Paul is telling Timothy how to relate to people in the church family. A healthy relationship between a sister and a brother is a good model for relationships between women and men in the church.
Dr. Sarah
Sumner,
author and chair of the department of ministry at
While I do not have a sister in my immediate family, I have seen the relationships between many brothers and sisters. The healthy relationship between a brother and a sister will be one of equality, submission, deferment, and intimacy, but without any sexual overtones. This doesn’t deny the differences between the male and the female, but there are no inappropriate feelings between the two. So it should be with brothers and sisters in the church. There can and should be relationships that show love and care for each other but without inappropriate sexual attraction.
What does complicate the issue is when a single man and a single woman are in the same church, seek to treat each other as a brother and a sister, but at some point find themselves attracted to each other. Making the transition from being brother and sister in the body of Christ to being boyfriend and girlfriend can be difficult. Yet, what better place to meet a future spouse than in the church? I would suggest that in all these cases, take your questions to Pastor Kathleen. Seriously, I would suggest that a couple who senses that God is leading them towards a romantic relationship do so within the family of God. Bring into your relationship other people, especially a married couple who can mentor you, give you advice, and keep you accountable.
So, regard each other as brothers or sisters in the family of God. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to sometimes refer to each other as brother or sister just to remind ourselves of the relationship we should have in the church.
The second principle is that chastity, not having sex outside of marriage, is a discipline, not just a rule to be obeyed. In Galatians 5
The
acts of the
sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
idolatry
and
witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition,
dissensions, factions
and
envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.
Sexual impurity and these other activities are the result of the sinful nature. They are what we do if not converted by God. Now Paul goes on to describe the results of having the Spirit of God in our lives.
But
the fruit
of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness,
gentleness
and
self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Those
who
belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its
passions and
desires.
Since
we live by the Spirit, let us keep in
step with the Spirit.
Paul’s use of the imagery of fruit and the whole message to the Galatians emphasizes the fact that we in our own power cannot obey the law and do what is right – it is a result of the Spirit in our lives. We cannot simply try really hard to get it right. Rather, it is when we have been crucified with Christ and now live by the Spirit living in us that we can overcome the passions and desires of the sinful nature.
Being sexually pure is a work of the Spirit. It should be regarded a discipline similar to praying, fasting from food, studying the Bible, and other spiritual disciplines or exercises. In fact, when wrong desires come into our thoughts, combating them with other spiritual disciplines may be the most effective. Some people find it effective to fast from food, when they are tempted by immoral sexual thoughts. When we fast, we are appealing to the Spirit to have His way in our lives. We are also giving notice to our body that we are not bound by its desires – yes, I might be hungry but I don’t have to eat now. And, yes, there is a sexual temptation, but I do not have to give in to it.
Regarding sexually purity as a spiritual discipline does two things – first, it makes it an ongoing activity of the Spirit in our lives. We rely on God’s Spirit working in us to help us follow God’s ways when we in our own strength could not. Second, it tells us that if we fail, there is forgiveness. While I was very much desire people to never fail in this area, God does forgive and heal.
We might be tempted to put into a message on sexual purity a list of rules to follow. I don’t think Paul believed that that would work – instead he saw it as a work of the Spirit. However, let me pas on two principles that I believe are fundamental and helpful. First, limit what goes into your brain through the media. And second, avoid causing your brother or sister to stumble because of what you do.
If you have been wronged in this area or if you have wronged someone else, it would be good to confess that and pray with someone in confidentiality. That is what the body of Christ is for – to support, to protect, and to heal. After the service, feel free to contact someone to pray with you.
The Ultimate Solution
If you remember, earlier in this message I stated that the natural desires that exist between men and women may help point us home. When humans are not in relationship with God, they will often seek to satisfy their need for relationship through a relationship with the opposite sex. We essentially are saying that “I don’t know why I am here, life seems to have no purpose, but I feel significant when I am with him and when I am with her.” G.K. Chesterton once said that “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” But no human relationship will satisfy the deep longing we have for God. God made us for Himself – He offers and wants to be our husband. He made the whole universe for the very purpose of living in close relationship with Him.
If you take a
big
picture view of the Bible, you will see that the image of the sexual
relationship between men and women plays a prominent role in the whole
story.
The Bible begins with marriage of Adam and Eve right after the story of
creation – and the Bible ends with a marriage of Jesus with
His bride, the
church. That should tell us that the idea of marriage is at the core of
the
message of the Bible. The other important use of the image of the
relationship
between men and women is found the Old Testament prophets like Jeremiah
who
referred to faithless